


We Grieve Together

by Sarek and Amanda Archive Maintainer (Selek)



Series: Time to Say Goodbye [3]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Ster Julie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 11:48:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selek/pseuds/Sarek%20and%20Amanda%20Archive%20Maintainer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarek and Amanda come together over the death of Spock.</p><p>Written by Ster Julie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Grieve Together

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Partner story to Fledgling and Morning Mists; this story keeps getting bigger and bigger...

\--ooOoo--  
  
Sarek was still trembling when he arrived at the gates to his home.  He had thrown up shields around his bond with Amanda, protecting her from the shock of the sudden loss of their son. But now, now there would be no pretense, no protection.  Sarek would have to tell his beloved Amanda that the child she risked her life to bear, their only child, she son she loved with a fierce devotion, the delight of her heart, lived no more.   
  
Sarek got no further than the shrine of the ancestors at the front entrance.  His hand had automatically reached for a grain of incense to add to the brazier to honor those who had gone before, when he paused.  He deliberately picked up a full pinch and placed it on the coals in honor of his lost son.  Scooping the fragrant smoke toward him three times, Sarek then covered his face, thus honoring the memory of Spock.   
  
-*-  
  
Amanda had moved from her bed to a storage closet.  She pulled down a sealed carton and removed some of the tiny clothing inside.  Amanda took a deep sniff of each item, then put it aside carefully and took out a new one.  To a stranger, Amanda's action would appear to be outrageous, but she was remembering the sweet-smelling babe in these very clothes.   
  
Amanda's heart was full of emotions, but the greatest of these was gratitude.  Spock's visitation as she walked that nebulous space between sleep and wakefulness – dream or not, real or not – was a great gift and consolation to her.  She had seen her beautiful boy, held him close once more, and told him goodbye.  Yes, there were tears of sorrow and loss, but Amanda couldn't keep from smiling.  There would be no regrets.  
  
Amanda's thoughts turned suddenly to Sarek.  Surely, he would have felt the paternal bond snap at Spock's passing, and certainly he would have come home immediately, or at the very least, called her by now.  Amanda moved down the stairs toward the front entrance.  There she could both watch for Sarek's aircar and listen for the comm system.  
  
-*-  
  
Sarek had sunk to his knees before the shrine.  He was lost in a flood of memories of Spock:  
  
-The warm weight of him as Sarek held his son in his arms for the first time;  
-Spock's first baby steps into Sarek's outstretched arms;  
-Watching Spock write his name in Golic runes for the first time;  
-Giving Spock his first lessons in logic, in computers, in science, in playing the lyrette, in what it meant to be a Vulcan;  
-Watching Spock walk out of the Forge at the successful completion of his kahs'wan and delivering him for his bonding ceremony to T'Pring;  
-Dealing with Sybok's influence on Spock;  
-Helping Spock thorough a premature Awakening, and taking him to the _reldai_ to deal with it;  
-Losing Spock to Starfleet;  
-Regaining his son, and his very life, aboard the Enterprise;  
-Returning Spock to his ship and his former life when he failed at attaining Kolinahr.  
  
On and on the memories came as Sarek sat before the shrine, his face covered.  He saw nothing but the face of his son, he heard nothing but the sound of his child's voice asking questions, relating what he had learned, giving his opinions, greeting him at first light and bidding him a peaceful sleep at day's end.  
  
 _Peaceful rest, my son, until we greet one another Otherside._    
  
-*-  
  
Amanda knew Sarek was home by the heady scent of incense at the front entrance.  When she espied his form crumpled in front of the shrine, she thought he had collapsed and she barely restrained herself from rushing to his side.  If Sarek had the presence of mind to use the incense, then she knew he was merely performing the death ritual.  When she thought he had spent enough time on his knees, she slipped quietly to his side to share the grief that rang like a death knell along their bond.  
  
-*-  
  
With his face buried in his hands, Sarek was not aware of his wife's presence until he felt her drape an arm over his bowed shoulders.  Expecting unabashed grief and weeping, Sarek was unprepared to see the worry and love in Amanda's eyes.  
  
"How is it that you know?" Sarek whispered as he slipped his arms around his wife.  
  
Amanda smiled through her tears.  "Spock came to tell me goodbye."  
  
Sarek sat back, looking deeply into Amanda's eyes, concerned for his wife's sanity. 

 

"I'm not crazy, Sarek," she insisted.  "He came to me, he did, and he said, 'I have come to say farewell.'  Each time he said it, he was younger and younger until I held my baby in my arms.  Oh, Sarek, he smelled of cinnamon and warm milk, just like he did when he was a baby!  I had to take out his baby clothes and smell them to be sure."  
  
Now Sarek was certain that his wife was mad with grief. 

 

Amanda saw the look in her husband's eyes and presented the side of her face to him.  "Meld with me, if you don't believe me," she insisted.  
  
Sarek raised his fingers to Amanda's face but did not put them in the proper place for a meld.  Instead his caressed her cheek with a tremulous hand.  "He's gone," Sarek rasped.  
  
"I know," Amanda whispered.  
  
Sarek raised his head suddenly.  "Do we?" he asked.  "What do we know for certain?  Has anyone contacted us to give the official word?"  Sarek got to his feet and began pacing in the small space.  "Perhaps there is another explanation."  
  
It was Amanda's turn to question her husband's mental health, but before she could ask him anything further, the sound of an aircar was heard approaching their front gate.  
  
Sarek helped Amanda to her feet and the two walked outside to greet their visitor.   
  
Sarek nearly collapsed when he saw none other than T'Pau approaching him, carrying a neatly folded mourning cloak over one arm.  She sat under the great tree in courtyard, draped the cloak over her knees and beckoned them closer with a gesture.  
  
Sarek had to force himself to walk over to the matriarch and kneel with Amanda before her.  
  
"I grieve with thee," the aged woman said in her accented speech.  
  
Sarek had to grope for Amanda's hands for support as he murmured, "We grieve together."  
  
T'Pau shook out the russet morning cloak and draped it over Sarek's shoulders, drawing up the hood.  There was no denying it now.  Spock truly was dead.  
  
"Not my boy," Sarek pleaded in whispers, "not… not my son."  
  
"What happened, _T'sai_?" Amanda asked gently.  
  
T'Pau turned gentle eyes to the grieving mother.  "Thy son gave his life to save the lives of his crew," she said quietly.  "I cannot give thee specifics, as the circumstances are wrapped in silence."  
  
Amanda nodded in understanding.  Being the wife of an ambassador, she was familiar with the need of secrecy.  "When will they be returning his body to us, his _katra_?" she asked further.  
  
T'Pau's eyes flashed indignantly.  "The body of thy son was buried in space," she hissed.   
  
Sarek drew himself up, his eyes burning beneath his hood.  "Barbaric!" he proclaimed.  "What of Spock's _katra_?" he asked.  
  
T'Pau's piercing gaze conveyed to Sarek what his next steps would be.  "No word," she uttered, her tone condemning all those who would ignore cultural traditions.  
  
"Where is the Enterprise now?" Sarek demanded.  
  
"Earth," T'Pau responded.  
  
Sarek came to a decision.  He turned to Amanda and said, "My wife, you will stay here on Vulcan and make the final preparations with the help of _T'sai_ T'Pau."  
  
"Where will you go?" Amanda asked worriedly.  
  
"I will go to Earth and demand answers," Sarek said with fiery determination.  "I will seek our son's _katra_."  He paused to take a shuddering, calming breath.  "I will bring Spock home, Amanda, and we will both have our farewells."  
  
Amanda nodded.  She reached into the hood that blocked a casual passerby from glimpsing the naked grief on a mourner's face, and she traced her fingers through the hair around Sarek's ears.  "Success," she murmured.  "Go in peace, my husband."  
  
Sarek took her hands and held them to his own forehead.  Once again, Amanda had shown herself to be a pillar of strength in crisis and he drew upon that strength to get him through a most difficult trek.  
  
 _I cherish thee,_ he whispered through their bond.  
  
"I know," she responded aloud.  
  
Sarek helped T'Pau to her feet and moved with her to the waiting aircar.  He turned back for one last glimpse of his grieving wife.  She looked so small and lost in the great courtyard.  
  
 _I will bring Spock back, Amanda,_ he sent to her, _one way or another, I will bring him back._  
  
End


End file.
